Photo called "parent and child" by wix.com
The official definition of attachment is the strong, affectionate bond we have with special people in our lives whom we derive pleasure in interacting with, and they can comfort us in times of stress.
According to Bowlby's Ethological Theory, children go through four phases of attachment as they develop from birth until they become older.
Pre-attachment phase
The first phase is the "pre-attachment", which occurs from birth to 6 weeks. They will call, cry, and make a massive fuss for their caregivers, which will help keep their caregivers to their side and close by. At this stage, the infant is not attached to anyone in particular yet. Although they are not connected to anyone yet, they will be able to recognise who is their caregivers at this stage. One interesting thing worth noting is that babies can recognise their mother's face, fragrance, and voice at this stage.
Attachment-in-the-making phase
The second phase is the "attachment-in-the-making" phase, which occurs from six weeks to around 6 to 8 months. They will choose a preference over familiar people but are still comfortable in spending and engaging time with strangers. They will also become more interactive with familiar people and are easily comforted. Usually, there will not be any strangers and separation anxiety at this stage. This phase can also be known as indiscriminate attachment.
Clear-cut attachment phase
The third phase is the "clear-cut attachment" phase, which is the most critical. It occurs from 6 to 8 months up until 18 to 24 months. At this phase, they will strongly prefer familiar people and primary caregivers. They will become more afraid of strangers and showcase all sorts of emotions until their primary caregiver is in sight. Stranger and separation anxiety becomes the norm in this phase, as they use their caregivers as a secure base. This phase can also be known as discriminate attachment.
Reciprocal relationship phase
The final phase is the "reciprocal-relationship" phase. Children will start to develop bonds with others besides the caregiver at this stage. Due to their increased ability to understand language and representation, they realise that their parents will return and can predict their return when they depart. Furthermore, at this stage, they will already have confidence that their parent/caregiver will be more accessible and more responsive in times of need and crises - thus reducing the occurrence of separation and stranger anxiety outbursts.
With all these phases of development, what can we do to help foster their attachment?
The easiest way for parents is simple - just be there for their child when needed. When infants smile, babble, and cry, these are all built-in social signals that enable them to express their needs. Attending to their needs promptly and ensuring that the infant in question is protected and taken care of will help them to develop an attachment with the caregiver. After all, it will also enable them to create the trust that the caregiver will attend to their needs.
Another way to build attachment is to be sensitive to the children's feelings. That is, to be receptive to a child's emotions and interact with them appropriately. For example, when your child is crying, comfort them; when they are happy, support them. Interacting with the child while being exposed to their feelings will help develop a solid and lasting bond between the child and the person with whom the child is interacting. This is because the child trusts that the person he interacts with will attend to his emotional needs and can rely on that person for help.
If you noticed, the main feature is that TRUST is needed for attachment to occur. It is the same as us adults, where we will first need trust for attachment to occur.
Focus on building trust with your child, and you will make a strong and lasting attachment between you and your child.
If you have any thoughts or questions on how you can build a solid attachment with your child, leave a comment below or on the post from thekidsg on Instagram!
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