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Children are emotional creatures - they cry, laugh, babble, fuss; almost every emotion is worth representing; trust me, they can show it.
In fact, after at least three months of age, infants can already code their experiences (which include negative and positive) through their emotions.
Often, every emotion that they are feeling is typically due to their immediate surroundings of stimuli - maybe something made them angry, something made them happy and safe, and something made them sad and depressed.
And even though sometimes it may be obvious to us adults why the child is feeling this way, it may not be that obvious to the child who is currently feeling that way. Even so, if the child is feeling gloomy, the child will be looking for someone or an avenue to help support and comfort him. Hence all the more, we need to help children to validate and allow them to self-understand their emotions - not only to let the child be able to rely on themselves when necessary but also to develop critical self-coping skills.
So, how can we go about helping them to validate their emotions?
Labelling and recognising emotions.
First, we have to make them recognise that they are feeling sad and down. Often, children know that they feel what they think - I mean because they are going through their emotions. However, even if they know that they are feeling something, they may not know how to identify it. Hence, teaching them about labelling their emotions in words is essential. Doing so helps them understand their emotional expressions better, see the name of their feelings, and, at the same time, recognise them.
Not only that, but the ability to label their emotions first also allows the child to discuss and reflect on what caused them to have that emotion in the first place.
To help children label and recognise their emotions at the start, we, as adults, can help facilitate that process and ask them a few questions to guide them by being sensitive to their feelings.
So, for example, when your child is having an outburst of anger, besides asking your child what happened, you can ask your child how he is feeling first. If your child cannot label his emotions, you can help him out and label them for him by asking if he is feeling angry. If he nodded his head, you could reinforce that by acknowledging that he is angry - and can throw in a bit of advice to use his words to describe his emotions next time once you have settled this whole outburst.
Making them understand the root of the emotions.
Once we got our children to label and recognise their emotions. The next question we need to ask them is what causes those emotions in the first place. As they have understood their feelings, they are already in a position to discuss what made them feel that way and why. This is the part where children communicate with us adults about their feelings.
To facilitate that, we adults can ask inferential questions like, “what happened?” “Are you angry because you did not get the book you wanted?”
Once that is facilitated, the adults can address their emotions appropriately and acknowledge to the child that they have those emotions because of a specific trigger. From this point, the adults can then address the issue given the circumstance and render appropriate assistance.
Teach them to express and regulate their emotions appropriately.
After we have found out what they are feeling and the root cause of the problem, we can teach our children how to express their emotions appropriately should such an event happen next time. They often behave well when they display their feelings - over the top. Screaming, crying, wailing - you get it, it is typically very dramatic. Hence, we must teach our children how to appropriately express and regulate their emotions. As not only it teaches them regulation and self-coping mechanisms, but it also allows others to understand their feelings easily to render assistance.
This ability to express and regulate their emotions is valuable and necessary, which they will eventually bring with them as they grow.
To facilitate that, we can tell them what they can do after an outburst of emotions. For example, when a child just threw a fuss, and once we investigated the issue, we can advise the child on how they should appropriately express their emotions in the future. Teach them how to use their words and what they can say to express their dissatisfactions - this is a perfect time also to teach them to label their feelings altogether.
Furthermore, we can also teach them methods to regulate their emotions, like breathing techniques, finding an alternative, and even drinking icy cold water.
These teach them how to express and regulate their emotions in the most appropriate ways possible. It teaches them not only regulation but also self-control too.
So, in conclusion, there are three main ways, in my opinion, that can help children to validate their emotions. That is, allow them to label and recognise their feelings, find the root of the cause and make children understand them, and teach them how to express and regulate their emotions appropriately.
Ultimately, teaching children how to validate their feelings is not an easy task. Still, the right approach will help our children be on the right step and enlighten them on how to validate their emotions appropriately.
If you have other methods you like to share that can help children regulate their emotions, share them in the comments section below or on our Instagram post!
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