Picture called "Marshmellow" by wix.com
According to research, children as young as three can start to learn the concept of delayed gratification.
The actual definition of delayed gratification is resisting an impulse to take an immediately available reward in the hope of obtaining a more-valued reward in the future. With that definition, this means that we do not take an actual reward that we currently have, hoping or even knowing that we will have a bigger reward compared to the current one next time.
The truth is, we all struggle with delayed gratification. Even adults would be lured by a lucrative deal and take up that deal immediately, sometimes not even thinking if there will be a bigger deal in the future should we wait just a little more. Just think about it, have you bought something with a slight discount, believing it is the best deal, only to find out two weeks later that the price for that item is going at a considerable discount? We all have been there.
So if adults struggle with delayed gratification, what makes our children angels to this too? All the more, our children are more susceptible to falling for immediate gratification, right? How can we teach our children delayed gratification if that is the case?
The Marshmellow Experiment
One way we can teach them is through the use of the marshmallow experiment. Initially conducted by Walter Mischel, a Stanford University professor in 1972, it measures how well children can control their temptation for immediate gratification to receive something even more significant in the future - ergo, delayed gratification.
The test is simple, pass a marshmallow to a child individually, and instruct the child not to eat it for a while as you will be giving him another marshmallow - make it clear that he will receive two marshmallows if he were to wait. However, should he not wait for the second marshmallow and decides to eat the marshmallow on hand, he will not receive the second marshmallow eventually. Again, make it clear to the child that by eating the marshmallow, he will only have one marshmallow.
Once the child knows the rules, you can leave for a while (but not too long, around 5 minutes is just fine) and see what happens next! If the child can constantly be seen fighting the urge to eat the marshmallow, the child is trying his best not to fall for the temptation of instant gratification. You can step in after a while, praise the child for waiting patiently, and hand the child a second marshmallow! Reinforce the concept of delayed gratification by explaining to the child what they just did.
However, should the child succumb to his instant gratification needs by eating the first marshmallow, you can step in after a while and ask the child what had happened to allow self-reflection on his actions. Next, you can tell the child that he will not be receiving his second marshmallow since he defied the rules that you initially set for him. The child, at this point, will be sad on some level, so take this opportunity to reinforce the concept of delayed gratification to the child and tell them what they can do next time should such a similar opportunity occurs again.
And there you have it! If you are a parent reading this, you just taught your child the concept of delayed gratification! You can switch it up and replace the marshmallow with other objects too!
But this experiment will be near impossible to conduct if you are a preschool teacher. After all, having so many children under your care simultaneously, it will be almost impossible to operate this experiment on each child independently.
One way to do it is that you can improvise on this experiment. Instead of marshmallows, use other alternatives like fruits to ensure they do not have a sugar high! Next, find the right time to carry out this experiment. For example, you can place a banana beside each child's bowl while eating during mealtime and advise them not to touch their banana and devour their main meal first for a promised second banana. If they adhere to that instruction and complete their meal quickly, you can pass them a second banana.
On the contrary, should they not listen to your initial instruction, when they are done with their meal, explain to the child who defied your instruction by explaining to him what he did wrong, and further explain to him what he should do the next time. Children that struggle with delayed gratification will take a while to master the concept of it - just like us adults, to be honest. Eventually, he will get the hang of it, and that child will have learnt the meaning of delayed gratification.
Or you can teach them during unstructured play time too! For example, if a child cannot wait his turn and constantly tries to snatch his friend's toys (this is all too common, let's be honest), you can step in and tell the child to play with other toys first. Tell the child when the friend is done playing with the toys, he will be able to play with the toy that he initially wanted while still holding onto the toy that he was playing with initially - so altogether, in the end, he will be receiving two toys to play with.
Not only that, as delayed gratification can be linked to self-control, you are essentially teaching your children self-control too! You can use the regulation of their behaviour to teach them delayed gratification too! For example, should a child (or children) be unruly during an activity, you can tell them that unless they behave, they will be excluded from the next exciting activity or not get any rewards for the whole day due to their behaviour. Naturally, they will behave because they want to partake in the next exciting activity! Through this method, not only did you teach them delayed gratification but also self-control too!
There are many methods that we can teach our children how to develop delayed gratification. It is not easy teaching them and requires many trials and errors for them to achieve that state, which requires much patience.
But it will all be worth it, though, as children who learn about delayed gratification when young will grow up to have a higher chance of success in life, according to Walter, since they already have a competent set of self-control over a wide array of things.
Are there other methods you know can teach our children about delayed gratification? Please share it with us in the comments section below, or you can share it with us on our Instagram post at thekidsg!
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