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As a kid then, have you ever kept a secret from your parents?
It is a shared experience that all children will do at some point. Once, I remembered withholding the fact that I have eaten 3 packets of oreos at a friend’s birthday party. And, I managed to get away from it.
Now as a parent, or as a practitioner working with young children, you might be worried that your child is keeping secrets from you.
As a matter of fact, keeping good secrets is alright! Good secrets includes:
Surprise birthday parties
Gift giving
Typical confiding with peers
Although as adults, we may feel uncomfortable that our children are keeping secrets from us, allowing our children to keep secrets shows that we trust them and also provide them some level of privacy. After all, we will not want overly strict parents, right? So don’t go looking at their diaries now.
However, there are also bad secrets that should not be kept. In my eyes, bad secrets refers to situations that causes immediate harm and danger to a child. Bad secrets can include:
Being coerced into doing something harmful
All levels of abuse
Bullying incidents
Inappropriate touching
Any situation that makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
So how can we help our children discern between good and bad secrets to keep them safe?
Open Communication:
Keep the conversation flowing. The definition of a good and bad secret can change as your child grows. Encourage your child to talk openly about their day, their feelings, and their interactions. Above all, make it clear that they can tell you anything without fear of judgment or punishment.
Role-Playing:
Use role-playing scenarios to help your child understand different types of secrets. Act out situations where they might be asked to keep a secret and discuss which ones are okay to keep and which ones they should tell you about. Above all, through the role-playing of scenarios, get them to understand that a trusted adult will never get them to keep any secrets.
Body Safety Rules:
Teach your child about body autonomy and the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching. An example is to teach them the swimsuit rule. Applicable to both sexes, teach your children that any region covered by a swimsuit are prohibited to be touched by anyone. Above all, reinforce the message that it is okay for them to walk away and tell a trusted adult should anyone were to violate that rule.
Trusting Their Instincts:
The most paramount of them all. Encourage your child to trust their gut feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Teach them that it’s always okay to say No, walk Out, and Tell a trusted adult [N.O.T] whenever they feel uncomfortable in any situations.
All and all, it is perfectly normal for children to keep some secrets, and it’s a part of growing up and learning autonomy. However, the distinguishment between good and bad secrets is crucial for their safety and well-being.
Like what you just read? Do remember to share this article with your friends! If you have any other strategies to share in teaching your child how to distinguish between good and bad secrets, do share it in the comments below!