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Whether at school, work or in life, we will always set expectations for ourselves or expectations set by others.
Expectations that are set for us or by ourselves can actually be beneficial. According to research, healthy expectations set for us can help boost productivity by at least 10 per cent.
Moreover, when we receive expectations, we will also have a clear direction of what to do which can help steer us in the right direction in the varying endeavours.
However, when expectations start causing anxiety and take control over our body - that’s when it develops into unhealthy expectations. Unhealthy expectations can be unrealistic, such as setting a grade expectation for yourself beyond your capability, or taking up a heavier workload from your boss, for example.
Sometimes, unhealthy expectations within the working context can also be “unspoken expectations”, such as being expected to conform to certain invisible work cultures, ethics, or behaviour within the company.
Unhealthy expectations can cause many issues, including a lack of motivation, increased anxiety, inefficiency, and a general damper to one's mood.
As such, developing the proper skill set for managing expectations is crucial. Not only can we ensure that we can achieve the expectations we can meet but also keep our sanity during the process.
So what steps can we take to manage our expectations of ourselves and others?
Expectations for ourselves
Provide adequate time to lay out your expectations.
All of us have ambitions for ourselves - whether it is to achieve a grade that we desire by the end of the semester or to get our dream job in the future, aspirations are a fundamental basis for us to work towards what we ultimately want.
However, this is where it may get tricky. Most of the time, when we have aspirations for ourselves, we do not plan enough time to work towards our ambitions. We want to achieve our aspirations as soon as possible without actually intricately planning the timeline set aside to achieve that aspiration. That is where expectations become unhealthy because you are simply not providing enough time for yourself to work on your ambitions and future goals, and internal conflicts may arise from there.
As such, provide sufficient time and construct a general and realistic timeline for your short-term and long-term goals that you would like to achieve in the future ultimately.
Be as realistic as possible in your planning so that all your expectations to meet your short-term and long-term goals will be healthy as they are, after all, manageable.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself.
Often, we set unhealthy expectations for ourselves in the first place because we frequently compare ourselves with others. For example, we may compare our grades with our peers or who is more successful than others within the same age demographic.
That is when we set unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We are so cooped up with wanting to be like others and be better than the rest until, subconsciously, we set unrealistic and unhealthy expectations for ourselves.
Furthermore, many events in our lives can cause us to be too harsh with ourselves and, as a result, set even more unhealthy expectations for ourselves, eventually damaging in the long run.
Do know that while everyone may seem like they have everything in control, truth be told, everyone does not know what they are doing too - we are just figuring it out as we go. So, as much as it is easier said than done, never be too harsh on yourselves.
After all, all of us are just figuring it out too.
Expectations from others
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Communication is vital in managing expectations of you from others.
Others do not know what your expectations are for yourself and what your boundaries are. As such, when someone else is setting their expectations for you, it is essential to voice out any concerns you have immediately and work together to ensure that you can meet the expectations of others without it becoming unhealthy.
That way, others will know what you can do and set appropriate expectations for you.
Sometimes, it is okay to say no too. One tip I learned as I learned how to communicate with others regarding managing their expectations of me is learning how to say no to things that may overwhelm me.
By saying yes to every single thing (maybe saying yes to an increased workload, outing with friends etc.), the expectations of you from others will increase, sometimes way above your current capacity. That is when expectations become unhealthy because you will eventually be overwhelmed with the expectations of you from others.
As such, learning how to say no is crucial - because not only does it keeps the expectations of you from others in check, but it also allows you to say “yes” to the next big important thing for you to tackle that is potentially on a larger scale!
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