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Each parent has an independent parenting style when governing their children; truth be told, there is no "right" parenting style. But there is a comparison on which is the most effective.
In most Asian contexts, most parents are highly controlling, strict, and have the mindset of "my way or the highway" mindset. As you read, you will realise that this parenting style is called the "Authoritarian parenting style."
As I grew up with such parents, I wouldn't say this parenting affected me negatively. Still, growing up, I have always felt that I was not receiving enough warmth from my parents, and on some occasions, I even thought that they were not putting me in my best interest as I was given absolute zero leeway at all. When I became older, I realised that they had the best interest at heart for me, just that the way they expressed it was a different style compared to other parents.
Indeed, we don't want our children to feel we are not showing them enough love and warmth. However, at the same time, we also do not want them to become spoiled and lack total boundaries.
After all, we all want what's best for our children.
So here comes the four official parenting styles. In this post, I will discuss the pros and cons of all four parenting styles and which parenting style is the best for your child.
Spoiler alert: Authoritarian parenting is not your child's most effective parenting style.
Authoritarian parenting style
This is the most traditional parenting style out there. As previously mentioned, parents who adopt this style have the mentality of "my way or the highway." Parents using this type of parenting style typically set out their boundaries explicitly, and strictly no possible exceptions or leeway given to their children.
One benefit is that children with parents using this parenting style know clear boundaries and rules. As they are aware of the strict regulations and boundaries their parents give, they are well aware of what will happen should they cross the limits set, hence likely not to cross that boundary. The parents are obviously in charge here and expect respect given to them by their children, although they do not necessarily reciprocate back. It is the easiest way to ensure that a child behaves, but the benefits only last for a short period.
Due to the limited leeway and flexibility given by parents, children under the authoritarian parenting style tend to rebel, and as they reach the teenager state, due to the kept up inflexibility of rules set by their parents since they were young. Furthermore, children under the authoritarian parenting style tend not to feel that they are loved and their parents' warmth due to the strict rules they set. They cannot understand why their parents are harsh towards them with so many strict rules and no leeway, which may cause them to feel isolated and not loved.
Authoritative parenting style
Although "Authoritative" and "Authoritarian" are similar in their definitions - in terms of parenting styles, they are a stark contrast. Parents using this parenting style can enforce rules but explain to their children why they are enforcing such rules.
Parents who use this parenting style are also open to dialogue, as they welcome their children to discuss the rules they set. Should the rules they set to be deemed unfeasible after having the conversation, they will then be flexible and switch up the rules accordingly such that the rules that the parent set is feasible and make sense.
The behaviour above is ditching the mentality of "my way or the highway" from the authoritarian parenting style. It is because this parenting style allows inputs from the child and allows them to set the rules together, which will enable flexibility rather than strict abide.
The only downside of this kind of parenting is that sometimes, parents cannot strike a precise balance between enforcing the rules and giving flexibility to their child. As a result, it will eventually cause them to reach the parenting style of permissive, which may spoil their children.
Permissive parenting style
The permissive parenting style is the polar opposite of the authoritarian parenting style. Parents using this permissive style allows their child to choose whatever they want to do with little to zero boundaries set. Children can do whatever they want, from determining how they behave in public to choosing hot fudge for breakfast.
According to psychologists, parents who take on this parenting style aim to be "the best friend" of their child. They are excellent with everything and anything. The positive of this parenting style is that the relationship between the parent and the child will be incredibly nurturing. Besides, the child is given much freedom to explore, create choices, and execute decisions with the backing of their parents.
However, the downside of this parenting style is the apparent lack of boundaries. Without boundaries, children are unable to learn any consequences for their actions, or to the extreme where they won't even know what is deemed right and wrong! Furthermore, by allowing them to create choices and execute decisions when they still cannot, parents adopting this parenting style can cause significant harm to their children, both physically and mentally.
Parents adopting this parenting style run the risk of spoiling their children too. Allowing their children to receive and do whatever they please makes them more likely to be spoiled - which we do not want to happen.
Uninvolved/neglectful parenting style
The uninvolved/neglectful parenting is pretty simple to talk about - parents don't care about their children. Although it is similar to the permissive parenting style, parents who adopt the uninvolved/neglectful parenting style completely give up on their child. Their mentality is probable, "you do you, I don't care about you."
Parents with this parenting style do not care about anything relating to the child at all. They do not care if they have a nurturing relationship with their children, whether their children know what is right and wrong, or even if their children are even safe or in danger.
Needless to say, there are no positives to this type of parenting style.
Conclusion
After discussing the four main parenting styles - the question still stands, what is the most effective parenting style that parents should use?
The answer is the Authoritative parenting style. When done right with the correct balance, both parents and children will feel safe and comfortable. It is simply because the child will know why the rules are enforced, with the ability to voice his opinions and trust that his parents will hear him. On the other hand, the parent will feel safer enforcing the boundaries set because their children are aware of the reasons for implementing them and can be flexible should their children voice their opinion and adjust the limits accordingly.
The authoritative parenting style is reciprocal and encourages input from parents and children. Hence, conflicts are less likely to happen, and children under this style will more likely feel heard, appreciated, and warmth by their parents. Hence, the authoritative parenting style is the most effective.
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